Archive for the ‘Humour’ Category

Jessica Biel is one crazy (but awesome) bitch

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She has officially made my Celeb-Top-5-Fuck-List with this one… so apparantly, Jessica Biel has some fucked up amazing traditions with her friends, which I think is the sexiest shit ever. She explains it quite nicely herself.

“My friends are completely insane… They literally tackled me on my bed, handcuffed me, blindfolded me, threw me in a car and then, basically, they started asking me these questions about our friendship - stuff I should know about their families and things we have done together.

Everytime I got it (question) wrong, I had to take a shot and then I got some sort of weird piece of clothing; I got a roller skate at one point, I got a wig, I got a sea-shell bra…

We basically went from bar to bar to bar (but) bear in mind I’m wearing now two roller skates, a crazy wig, (I’m) completely blindfolded.”

Wild, sexy, and hilarious. As Paris Hilton would say, That’s Hot!


“Man, that’s sig material!”

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I say a lot of stupid shit everyday on Beyond, my car forums. I’m not trying to be funny, I’m just telling it like it is, as honest as I can. And somehow, instead of getting in trouble with the law for verbal abuse, inappropriate sexual banter, or rage2’s words of wisdom, people actually consider things I say Sig Worthy. For those that aren’t familiar with the world of forums, every user has a signature, and some like to quote interesting or funny sayings, thus making those quotes sig worthy.

Today, I racked up my 10th Sig Worthy quote, and I’m honored that so many people find my wisdom useful. Because really, it’s verbal diarrhea that spews from me, and somehow, it works in wacky situations. Read more to see the list!

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I love my hand

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I dunno if this is a joke or what, but this is the funniest product I’ve come across (no pun intended). The video ad on the site rules. In one scene, a hot chick with great tits in bra and panties lies on her bed, and in a seductive voice, claims:

“In order to get a good night’s sleep, I always use my hand”.

Wow is that even a secret? I’ve been using my hand since 1985. Same with my girlfriend. These guys are a little late to the party.


Moustache March

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That’s me on the left, with the ridiculously looking moustache. As an asian guy, it’s hard for me to grow a moustache. That picture is the result of 12 days of growing, and that’s all I got. I tried to mimic the Unabomber look, but unfortuantely, he’s got a much cooler stash than me.

Moustache March started out with college kids in California looking for something to do, and eventually becoming tradition as it caught on nation wide. Today, there are moustache march competitions on radio shows, to competitions that raise money for charity. The concept is simple. No shaving of the moustache in March, and at the end of the month, everyone involved is judged and the best stash is awarded the win. Simple.

So this year, my foray into Moustache March began, along with a bunch of my friends. Everyday, we all bitch about how stupid we look, and how we threaten to shave off the moustache. I don’t know how serious the others were, for me, there were a few days where I looked into the mirror and just wanted to end this madness. Some of the others have to meet with clients everyday, and find it tough to try and win their business looking so stupid. Another one of my friends have to meet his girlfriend’s parents for the first time, and doesn’t want to do so looking like a rapist pervert. I had it easy, since I’m usually isolated in my office, I get to mind my own business. Until yesterday, when things changed for the worst, an event that questioned my dedication to Moustache March.

My website, Beyond Car Forums, had an article dugg. A local story of 2 members who didn’t know each other, one a victim of a hit and run, the other, a photographer that snapped clear photos of the fleeing car. Readers all over the world loved the story, which got over 240,000 views in a day. The local media loved it so much, they contacted me and wanted to interview me on TV, which led to the problem. Do I go on TV looking like an idiot with a weaksauce moustache?

On one hand, if I shaved it off, I would’ve given an excuse for everyone else to do the same in a difficult situation like this. On the other hand, if I left it on, it would’ve taken away every excuse that anyone had to shave off their moustache. So being the intelligent, level headed person that I am, what did I decide to do? That’s right… I went on TV with my moustache. As you can see from the video, I’m trying really hard not to laugh, because during the entire interview, all I thought about was how stupid I’m going to look to the world. I was thinking so much about my moustache that I didn’t even realize I was wearing shorts, sitting in a lawn chair in the middle of my living room. Ghetto to the max.

Do I regret the decision to leave the stash on? Hell no. I’m going to get to hear stories of my friends getting laughed at by potential clients. I’m going to hear about meeting the parents looking like a perv. And I’ll get to see pictures of Kenny’s vacation next week with a dirt stash that’s worse than mine (he started late). IMO, well worth it!


Japanese people suck at porn

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250 women standing on mats. You’re wondering whats going on? As a publicity stunt, a Japanese porn studio filmed 250 couples having sex at the same time in attempts to penetrate the American market (no pun intended). I’m not making this up.

What they forgot, or just didn’t realize, is the golden rule of porn… if there’s more cocks on the screen than in your pants, there’s too much cock (unless you’re diphallic). They would’ve gotten more attention (and my purchase) if they had 1 dude banging all these chicks, using up every move from the Kama Sutra. Umm, and replacing all the chicks with hot chicks. Blondes preferrably. And maybe throw a midget in there as well…

More NSFW pics below, as well as the full movie. You’re welcome (I think???).

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How to get a girlfriend if you’re a nerd

I stumbled upon a pretty funny article that teaches nerds and geeks worldwide on how to get a girlfriend. A good read if you’re 25, living in your parent’s basement, and still a virgin. Or you can do what my buddy did, blow $30k in a year on escorts, get really good at sex, sucker the first girl you find into bed, and get them hooked. That seems to work too, if you’re comfortable with $30k in debt on your line of credit. Seriously, the 2nd part actually works… Eddie Murphy first explained the theory in his standup RAW.

Once you get her hooked, get her to play videogames, cuz then she’ll put out more. I know it’s true because my girlfriend plays guitar hero.